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I Divorced My Husband, Now I’m Financially Behind

[Music] foreign brought to you by the every dollar app start budgeting for free today Amy Is With Us in Springfield Illinois hi Cami welcome to the Ramsey Show hi hi what's up oh nothing I am recently divorced um Mama too and I just feel like I'm extremely defined financially and I just was looking for tips and advice on how I get out of my situation that I'm in currently um what what is his income your ex-husbands um he makes about 45 an hour but I do not take anything from him what do you make um I currently make 18 an hour and I'm a personal trainer but I am only training for like like six to eight hours a week I think we found your problem yeah no I know I've been applying to jobs um cannot seem to find one right now yes I know my issue is I don't have enough income um that's something that I'm working on but I didn't know I don't know I just don't know what to do are you only applying to be a personal trainer no I'm applying for all sorts of different positions um State positions City positions uh random places you know in town I'm applying all over the place it's just yeah why aren't you weren't you taking why isn't he paying child support I was born it doesn't matter state law says he pays child support yeah I know I just didn't want anything ahead of the rest of my life and I figured that I could do it on my own and I want to be able to do it I know that it was probably on looking at it now but I think that when I am finally successful and I am out of my position that I'm in currently when was the divorce final July July how have you lived since July on eight hours a week um I take I take shifts at the restaurant that I worked at there but I'm not scheduled I just take shifts as they come he works long hours and we split the kids 50 50.

um but unfortunately with his work schedule I have been the one that has had to take the kids on the night that he has to work late so me getting a full-time job for the longest time was out of the question because our babysitter actually got shut down for a little while um because she wasn't properly licensed and so yeah I have just been living on tax return um tips that I'm getting the problem is the problem is is that these priorities have gotten all backwards on you okay um all of these things you're throwing at me are solved when you tell them all to take a side seat because you have to work and you have money and when you have money because you're working now you find a different babysitter and you're not dealing with some jack Legg who's not even licensed and gets put on the street and shuts your whole operation down oh and by the way when he calls and says he has to work you say well I'm sorry you have the kids I'm working yeah I think so you don't revolve your life around all of these other people you set your life up and they revolve around you okay that's what's the problem do you feel guilty that you filed for divorce here um I don't feel guilty no but I just feel like any time that the kids are not going to be prepared to be careful by him I just feel like since I was a stay-at-home mom for so long that it's mine you're not a stay-at-home mom anymore you made a decision to be a career person now that's right and yeah what you're trying to do is to have it all at the same time with no pain that's what I mean you filed for divorce you left him for whatever reason you left him and you can't eat right and so you're gonna have to put your ego aside and possibly go back and say hey I need some child support so our babies have groceries well I'm trying to find a job that's ego talking right now he does have to pay me um 600 or 500 a month for six months we're currently on the month two of that um I am getting State assistance through um link and medical insurance that is not a good long-term plan not a plan no it is not no I do not know that plan is you working 40 to 50 hours a week making 25 or 30 dollars an hour and you can get back where you can eat but you have defined good mom as being there for everyone except making money and I'm redefining good mom as one who goes and makes some money to provide for her family because she's now a single mom redefine it a good mom is one now that works 45 or 50 hours a week and everyone else sits to the side while you do that they you figure it out because you cannot be at home with the children anymore right you don't have that option I'm sorry I wish you could but the decisions have been made that is now done and so they are the best way you can be there for them is go make some money not because money makes the world go around but it does buy food lights and shoes and you're struggling to do that right now right and you're scared yeah no it's it's a little bit uh scary but scary but I no it's on my own for yeah I lived on my own for a little bit while I was working full-time before the daycare got shut down and within my place was infested with mold so I had to move out and I'm currently living with my parents and um I do sell beef um I raise cattle on the side so I am Cami yes you need a job sorry you need a job I know quit explaining to me all the reasons you don't and working around the unlicensed daycare and working around the husband who ex-husband who still tells you when to jump and you jump all of this is a re are not good enough reasons you have got to get back to full-time employment for the good of your children your sanity yeah yeah you don't have a choice and once you decide that then the mold and the unlicensed daycare all these other things start to move away when you add three thousand dollars a month to this equation it changes the equation because money what it does is it gives you options it gives you power it's not the money itself that matters and I'm not all about money the room's all about money single mom called me is all about money now I want to feed her dad gum kids and get the stress off of her because she's scared to death but your your head's spinning and all you can do is just go into this Kaleidoscope of reasons and excuses rather than going and doing it and you have got to go do it girl and this is not the time Dave it's not the season for follow your dreams and I'm going to start the dream job and I'll show them this is not that time no no no no no anyone who will hire you I got to get a job that I can make the most money and be the most impactful and by the way often when families get divorced mom and dad think the greatest thing they can do for the kids is FaceTime let me tell you the greatest gift you can give your kids is a present stable non-anxious mom and dad and that means you got to be able to pay your bills you got to be able to eat if you're worried about your kids eating while you're sitting in the floor playing with them they're going to feel that tension and they're going to absorb it they're going to make it their fault yeah you can't do that to your kids exactly and give that to your kids yeah we we can't you know the best thing you can do for you and them is is go make a little money right now you don't need to go make 300 000 a year but you do need to go make 50.

Right now right now and there's people doing that and so um and so uh Hang on we're gonna give you a copy of Ken Coleman's book from paycheck to purpose and his other book The Proximity principle and as soon as they hit your mailbox I want you to sit down and read them and turn the stupid television off you don't need to have a TV on in your house at all right now yeah turn it off reading these two books and you need to be working call local school there's people are so desperate for teachers right now you've been a teacher as a trainer start thinking outside the box a little bit but call local schools and see if you can get in as a as a teacher yeah anything I mean targets hiring UPS we're coming into Christmas every retail out there is hiring at 25 an hour right now they can't get people and so you can get the hours and you can get the dollars coming in and but some of these people are just gonna have to line up in your life and stand to the side instead of you being the one that stands to the side every time that was the moral of the story we heard when you called us Cami so we love you and we want you to win kiddo and understand why you're scared but the chaos leaves when you rise up above it and start telling everybody where to dance instead of being the one told when to dance

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