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He’s Been Hiding This From Me

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today we've got Jill in Reno NADA what's going on Jill hi um I just found out that my husband's been opening credit cards oh man and uh he's racked up like $30,000 in uh credit card debt on what do you know um well there's some online gambling yeah um there's some online prescription medication yep and uh he knows I know we've already had our come to Jesus moment I got and to preface this I have been complicit in this because I knew something was up and I've never wanted to deal with finances but I'm on it now so there's that um ownership is step one so I'm proud of you for that so just don't just don't own it all cuz he's he's no out there too good on you so how can we help you yeah I don't want to be I don't want to be codependent yeah how can we help um um our uh like he wanted to borrow from his uh retirement and I said no uh because I already cashed out mine for credit card debt before m uh before hold on hold on before before all of this you got to protect yourself I want you to call the credit the three credit reporting Bure and I want you to put a freeze on your social security number okay so that no nothing can be opened up in your name that's not going to fully protect you because you are married but that will at least stop it if he cares about you in your marriage he'll do the same thing he'll freeze it okay and that way they have to go through you for anybody to open up any more credit or to make any more charges okay okay yes um and that way that you're not you haven't slept because this thing is still spinning underneath you and you have a man in your home that you don't trust that is digging a hole um he's digging a grave for your family right and this at least takes the shovel out of his hand for a second so you can then begin to Exhale and figure out what's your next step okay all right so we're going to call the credit that there's three reporting bureaus we're going to call them just Google them uh Experian I forgot off top of my head uh Equifax Experian TransUnion Transunion and call and just put a freeze on it okay so nobody's taking out any more credit no one's R racking up any more charges okay okay okay okay and then no we're not cashing out anything we're not we're not robbing Peter to pay Paul we're going to sit down and while you're on the phone with those credit um agencies I want you to H and he's with you we're going to pull credit reports instantly and we're going to find out how bad the damage is I guarantee you it's worse than you think it is okay it's almost never in this kind of situation where you catch somebody is it all out on the table on on conversation one almost never okay and then listen I'm walking you through okay the next one is you can't have any sort of conversation any sort of come to Jesus any sort of healing conversation until he gets his addictions under control and that might mean rehab that might mean AA that might mean Gamblers Anonymous that might mean um he's got to go see a medical doctor because he's got himself hooked on pain pills but any sort of trying to heal this thing and come up with a plan and he's still using um is a Fool's erand you're wasting your time I know because I'm I'm a recovering mtic there you go you know yeah you know um my concern is here's um so we have 33,000 dollars in credit card debt 3,000 of that is on is in my name only um hope I don't out myself here I'm I have a guaranteed income of 3,200 I'm I can't work but I have a guaranteed income of $3,200 a month okay I get that every month um I was offered a buy out for that I never took it so I'm so grateful for that that I'm guaranteed that my problem is is he he's he's in Ministry and he signed a covenant with his job and I'm afraid that when this all clears in his head and he realizes that he can't have this job or they might ask him to step down they have to we're he has to step down as a matter of Integrity he's not in shape to lead people as a minister right now period does that mean he's over as his life is over as a minister no but he's got a mess in his home that he has created and he's got to get that cleaned up okay and maybe he takes a six-month leave and he sits down and says I'm struggling with addiction I've made some major um mistakes some some major uh uh uh like ethical violations of my own home and I got I need six months to go clean this maybe they'll do that for him or something like that but yeah this delusion he's going to take down a whole church with him and that's not fair to those people um he's not the leader Vater either way either he's got to come about this because the longer it's like leading a double life in in that sense and I feel and and I I I'm discussed I've kind of try to discuss it with them my question here's here's the question I have we have a $117,000 camper or we owe $7,000 on it I don't want to sell it because I might have to live in it I don't think that's true why might you have to live in it that's not true because we won't be able to we'll drown without him having a job okay uh can I ask the nature of of your uh disability are you yeah so I'm 100% disabled okay okay yeah but can you can he go get a job at McDonald's and yall get a one-bedroom apartment yeah well if we sold the house there's enough equity in my home to pay off everything that's that's all yes so don't let's don't go costic because when we go costic and we start imagining us walking around in the aftermath of a nuclear strike we make decisions that don't make a lot of sense sell the camper take the 177,000 you you guys got to start paying the stuff off well we just owe 177,000 I don't I won't I won't make any money on the camper oh I see what you're saying okay yeah then you got to stop the bleeding you shouldn't have a camper a $177,000 camper that's a depreciating asset that you're making payments on on a fixed income anyway MH is that fair nothing's fair in this world there there you go let me say this Jill and I'm saying this because I love you okay most people in your situation are trying to walk around and if you've ever seen somebody in the aftermath after a tornado's come through a town they'll be picking up like a medicine cabinet and try to start putting it back on the wall but that wall is the only thing standing everything else in the it's just it's just how human nature and you have to come to the grief filled exhale moment where you drop your shoulders and you fall down on your knees and you internalize everything about your life is different now and so there's not going to be a world where but hang on to the camper everything's different now there's not a world where but you still need to make this much money and we're going to keep this house it sounds like everything's over everything's different now it's not over but it's just going to be different for a while not how you drew it up not how you wanted it to be hang on the line I'm going to send you a copy of building a non-anxious life and own your past change your future both road maps for people who have just found themselves completely in Ash and trying to figure out what to do next but y'all are going to have to sit down and have some real talk about getting clean about coming clean with his workplace and about what's the next logical right step create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life

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Can You Spot These Kind of Millionaires?

if you have a net worth of $1 to10 million the average person in that category is not average to start with they're way above average but the typical person I guess I should say is very understated they buy their clothes at unimpressive places and their unimpressive clothes they enjoy nice vacations but they seldom post them for you to see on Instagram because they don't take you on vacation they wanted to go on vacation the Christmas presents around the tree are very reasonable the car that they drive is stated and the valet is seldom impressed until he gets the tip

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Let’s Talk About Money So We Can Stop Talking About Money

I want to talk about money so we can stop talking about money because get this when money is no longer an obstacle we can focus on what really matters and become the people we really want to be and money then becomes a tool to help you live a life that you're proud of instead of exhausted by and it gives you more margin more options more joy and more wealth than ever before and you guys can start that journey tonight.

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What Broke People Mean When They Say “I Can Afford This”

so when broke people say I can afford this you know what they're saying I think I might be able to pay the payments that's what broke people mean when they say that.

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This Is Who I HIRE and Who I FIRE

lot of times when I'm doing a leadership conference people will ask me uh how I motivate people I don't motivate people I hire motivated people and I fire demotivated people and when I get enough motivated people in the room the whole room will freaking explode with electricity and I can't make that happen but I can make the environment happen because you cannot win the Kentucky Derby with a donkey.

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This Addiction Is Ruining Us

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today Mary is going to kick us off in Cleveland Ohio Mary welcome to the show Hi how are you doing today doing well how are you um I'm gonna be honest I'm a little nervous and anxious right now we got you Mary it's just us here just us girls let's talk okay what's going on um so I'm calling in because my husband is a gambling addict and has been since January of this year when it became legal in Ohio um it is call as the heaviest hole on our marriage um on our relationship our family and I'm at the point where I have tried many routes with this trying to be very gracious on how I go about it trying to be respectful as a wife trying to support his mistakes but trying to get him the help he needs and nothing is working um and at this point he is very adamant about continuing to do it um and I'm at the point where I feel that I need to you know take my daughter and take a step away not divorce but maybe take some separation until he figures it out but I honestly don't want to have to do that but I don't know what else to do right now what makes you think that or what's happening that you feel like I need to get me and my daughter out of this to be safe well um I think you're right I think you're right by the way but I want you just articulate what something else is going on like what's happening in your home it's just an extremely tense environment we argue all the time um which you know we wead are you arguing because he's losing thousands and thousands of dollars or arguing because he's just glued to his phone all the time and he's angry because he wins and loses or as Mo as is most of the time the gambling Behavior and the addictive actions that are keep like this compulsion um is indicative of a much bigger issue in your marriage y'all don't talk to each other you don't listen to each other there's no intimacy it's just become a mess and gambling is the way he's choosing to handle that that Global dysfunction inside your home correct okay all of it um yes and I mean the lying is the biggest thing so anytime somebody has a boundary inside of a marriage that they're thinking about laying down right like this is this is my um this is my final straw this is my line that I won't cross anymore I always want to encourage them to have an or what statement because the person they laid the boundary down um is going to want to know can you give an example yes so you need to have an or what statement you sit down with your husband and say if we don't go to marriage counseling by the end of this weekend or we don't have a date on the calendar by the end of this weekend and it's next week and if you don't go here's the or what me and our daughter are moving out okay period you just have to be prepared for the or what because the or what comes with a lot of complexity and I know it sounds super cool to be like you like you're G you can Google this and on these stupid websites they're going to tell you like just leave him you don't deserve that sounds all well and good but there is a significant finding complexity to this right yeah and I I mean I really don't want it to have to come love him family together of course you do I want you to keep this front and center As you move forward you are simply doing what you have to do to keep your family safe and responding to somebody that's thrown a grenade inside your home yeah you're not the one doing this and he will paint you as the villain here he has that's right because he gets to do whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to do it with quote unquote y'all's money and he can you're just whining and nagging and complaining and on and online gambling online Sports gambling is destroying individuals and homes across this country period and dude I always watch the fights I love watching the games I love having fun with my friends so it's not that I'm like this fuddy ddy that sits in my house and and plays bingo the time I love I love the whole environment and yet this is destroying people yeah and you've told him that and he has told you I don't really care what you have to say I'm gonna keep doing whatever I want to do yeah and I mean it's it's been the past few months um I guess to give just some quick context uh so pretty much in a lump sum he has spent between 30 to $40,000 has he lost it oh yeah like he's lost all all of it okay we don't there there's no um I mean he's you know won a couple thousand here or 100 here things like that um but it's it's he's all together um since the beginning of this year it's been around $40,000 um and can we be honest this is what you know about I promise there's more this is all I know about promise more let me ask you some a very tactical question if you move out do you have do you have a job do you have money um yes I I I have a job but we um so he's in nursing school so hold on hold on hold on he is making choices you are keeping yourself safe if he's in nursing school then he gets to take care of his pay for nursing he gets to make all those choices on his own you need to have your four walls covered for you and your baby if you choose to do you have your own bank account yes I actually did um probably about two months ago at this point um that was one of the steps I took was separating good our finances we never recommend that except in this moment does it direct does your check direct deposit into that account it's still in our joint um and I will just say so pretty much because we don't have any like we don't have any Financial Security right now so with my job and his job we get paid each week so I get paid and then he gets paid the following and so on so forth so with our money that we have right now I want to take the money from like my check and put it into ours but then all the bills come out from our joint cuz we haven't switched any of those yet so all of like pretty much each paycheck that we get each week is going towards bills going towards groceries and gas and then there's nothing left over I want you to get with a friends and I want you to map this out okay okay and you're gonna have to move your direct deposit to your new account and you know as well as I do he's going to hit the roof isn't he yeah he he already did when I I mean everything I do he get he does that's right are you safe yes okay he's not going to hit you or hurt you no okay so we are getting with a friend and we're going to map this out what's an apartment going to cost what are the light and water bill going to cost and we're going to get all this La mapped out and lined out we're going to make sure that our check can cover that and you might need to get some new hours and all that kind of stuff child care all those things and then we're going we're going to sit down and be very articulate and clear about my or what statement this changes or here what I'm going to do you can't control anything he does you can only control what you do I hate that you're in this situation stay on the line we're going to hook you up with every dollar so you can begin to control what you can control if and when you have to step away create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life

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I Don’t Know Where Our Money Is Going

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today Hey Stephen welcome to the show hey good morning or good afternoon guys how are you we're doing great how can we help so I'm kind of in a position so uh really just kind of looking for some advice so my wife was involved in a car accident about a year year and a half ago oh gosh okay we uh yeah she ended up being okay she had some uh she almost had to have some surgeries and everything and it it affected her work she's a hair stylist so she works for herself um she had some hand injuries and things like that so so we incurred some medical bills and um some time off work and everything else kind of but my question is I've got I've got a list of our payments and what our debts are and um we're expecting to get about $22,700 back in a settlement um from from that accident and I was just wondering if you guys could could help point me in the right direction of what we should maybe pay off or if we should put it in our savings account and just sit on it and continue to make our monthly payments like normal U just kind of what the best course of action you guys thought would be yeah it's a good question do you guys have any money in savings right now very little so we actually uh we have four kids one of our kids is disabled so you know it's kind of a it's a back and forth thing you know okay so really nothing in savings so how much what's your debt like give me like a list of it in the amounts yeah so um our house uh we owe about 44,600 on our house um we just incurred a new debt which we bought had to buy her a vehicle after the accident hers was totaled um that's we owe 21,000 on it uh we got a pick up that I that I drive owe 177,000 on it then we've got a personal loan for about $2,000 and then somewhere in the the neighborhood of5 to $5,500 in credit card debt oh Steve you're not going to like what we say that's fine no that's what I'm looking for how much you guys make a year Stephen about 75,000 okay um yes so okay can I say it before you give it to him Rachel let me just say this Stephen how' you find us um I was actually just scrolling through Facebook and and ran across some Dave Ramsey videos and started listening and how long ago you know these oh not very um okay probably probably three months ago if that all right so you are like in the in still like in the uh the entryway to our Our Gang right yeah yeah you could call it the infancy I guess okay so we're I I'll be super gentle and kind okay I want you to begin to transform your language okay from we had to I had to go take a loan out and buy a a a $21,000 car I have to have a $177,000 truck to yeah we we chose to do that okay okay that's going to be key as Rachel walks through because the other when you when you approach life as reactive life did this so I just have to do this you will stay broke for the rest of your life if you say Come What May I will stand firm on a principle I don't borrow any money outside of a mortgage period ever and a mortgage only if I got to now you're about changing your entire family tree okay okay it's about taking ownership okay all right Rachel um Stephen how much could you get for the 21 the $21,000 car have you Kelly Blue booked any of these in your truck um yeah so my my truck's actually worth about 30,000 um in in today's market I actually just looked it up the other day and actually had the dealership the dealership called me the other day offering me 30,000 just to buy it out right from me wow okay not interest not not interested in doing that I mean well I guess I could be you're going to you're gonna get real interested you might be in a second how about the 21,000 I I could definitely be interested in that um and then I think my wife's van it's probably right at Worth right at what we owe on it okay okay um and did you say you have $5,500 in credit card debt or $500 about 5,500 okay and what is the credit card debt what does that consist of what what what were you what were you guys swiping the credit card for you know it it really I mean it was kind of Christmas last year and then you know and I listened to to part of the show earlier when you guys talking about Christmas you one of the 25% Stephen yeah yep and I was really kind of really hit home and then you know School Clos and everything else okay okay so it's just life okay so uh one bright side of this Stephen to make you be like okay you're normal you're normal you guys literally are the Every American Family you got two car loans you got some credit card debt you got a personal loan and you're just living life but you probably feel like Stephen oh my gosh we work really hard and I feel like we're broke I feel like we're barely making by how how is that possible okay so that feeling that you're feeling is is a flag that is raised in your emotions to say like okay we're not doing this correctly so the way you guys have been looking at money because you called in this show the way we're going to advise you is a complete 180 of what you're of how you've been looking at money and here's the deal too Stephen you have to realize okay I have to do a 180 because what I've been doing is getting me these results and I don't want these results I want something different which means I my actions in my thought process have to be completely different now right so so what we're going to say is probably going to radically shake you up and you're going to be like wait these people are insane maybe a little but we're also not broke so we do these things in our own home yes yes we live this stuff out Stephen so if I woke up in Stephen's shoes and your wife's shoes here's what I would do I'd sell your truck today get the $3,000 go get a $115,000 car that debts completely gone you got a great truck or great car whatever you have for 15K you're calling it a day uh I would take the $222,000 that you guys have and I would knock out the personal loan I would knock out the credit card debt and then I would put anything else that's there I'm trying to do this quick math um anything else left at the car loan so you guys will probably have about I think $15,000 left on the van and I Want You Stephen for about a year to or no it didn't have to be a year yeah maybe a year to work extra I want you guys to take on extra jobs either at your primary job I want you to drive for Uber Eats I want you to do the most radical stuff to earn extra money and get this van paid off because you could look up in one year Stephen and you're a whole life looks completely different but your so I actually I actually just started a new not new job a new side job if you will good I'm a I'm a career firefighter that's what I do for a living there just frankly there's there's no money in that um oh sorry oh shoot Stephen sorry I didn't mean to cut you off we're going into a break anyways but but but all that to say this that's that's exactly what I would do when I laid out for you and it's going to feel different it's going to feel uncomfortable it's going to be strange but I'm telling you Stephen this $22,000 if you guys get this settlement and you get this cash and you don't change anything you don't cut up credit cards you keep living your life it's going to be gone it's going to be gone put it to good use create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life

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Work Until You Die?

work until we have to die just for the privilege of being alive we have to work somewhere just to afford a house that we're never at because we're working to afford the house is the meaning of life to work and pay taxes and then die on top of that we also have to work to afford our vehicle to get to work in other places and afford gas just to get to work and we also have to pay taxes for our roads to drive on to get to work and then we have to work for our children to go to school to learn how to work if the only places you work are soulless giant corporations that you know the only thing you're contributing to is a few people at the top getting rich you're not you haven't connected what you do to you're not solving a problem for somebody y um you are a cog in a machine you are a car in a traffic jam then that sort of desperation Rings true and I get that yep.

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No, Don’t Do It!

so I'm in a relationship right now uh everything's going great and I'm planning on proposing uh maybe in the next two weeks I was in a relationship previously before the one I'm in now and I was engaged to the uh girl and she gave me back the engagement ring oh don't do it don't do it I was thinking about just using that ring does your girlfriend know about this past engagement no oh boy okay number one have that combo first oh no no no no no no she knew I was in yeah she knew I was engaged before yes she so do you not think she's going to her first question is going to be wait is that the ring from I I know I just don't want to spend extra money on it because Chris Chris christop a different the moment you slide that ring on her finger her her finger will catch fire.

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Should I Buy a House With My Brother?

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today what's going on Dana hi uh so I I am 29 years old and I've been planning to purchase a home but I'm planning to like purchase it with my brother so is it a smart idea to like have my brother as a co-owner of the property I mean majority of the down payment is going to come from me and so is mortgage yeah no um Noe nope nope no how old did you say you were I'm 29 29 29 okay why can I just can I understand why why are you guys doing this together what's the purpose in your mind um we've been living together um like for like three years and we've been planning to purchase a property as well why is my question um because well we just we we we're like both single and we don't know like we wanted to stop renting and we wanted to have like our own property so this is your way you felt like you couldn't afford it separately so you're doing it together is that accurate uh yes I think I mean personally I like with the current housing market I don't think I can afford like the monthly mortgage well let's look at it what do you make every what do you make every month what's your take- home pay I make uh around every month yeah yeah around 6 6200 6,200 yes that's your take home pay okay so what type of home are you trying to buy like when you when you say here's what I need and you're realistic about what your needs are and you're not going overboard what was what does a cost a home like that cost you in Los Angeles because I know it's going to be expensive yeah um since I'm single like maybe like a condo or a town house like with like two bed like a single bedroom like I'm just like living alone sure that's fair enough what what would that cost you in the area that you live um in the area you're trying to be looking it's yeah it's around like 450 to five 5 I think no I 450 to 600 okay so 450 to 600 that's a big range um and then my next question is what kind of work do you do I work in a as a lab scientist in a hospital a lab scientist okay here's thanks for giving me the particulars I don't think that you should like John said I don't think that you should buy a home with your brother there's a lot that can go wrong there um it would be different if one of you were purchasing the home and one of you put the down payment on and said hey if you want to live here and pay me rent or pay for your room here you could do that um doing that yeah that's that's fine um the the hard part comes when it's you're dating somebody and you're ready for them to move out and now they feel like they got the raw end of the deal like there are many things that can go wrong and I just want to call that out so and and there's one other thing when you're married there's a and you get divorced there is a business there's a legal path towards separation it's why we same reason we tell people don't um buy a house with your boyfriend or girlfriend because the separation Isn't So Clean it's a mess and similarly if you and brother just go in as as brother and sister boyfriend girlfriend um just two people the separation part is going to be a disaster not to mention Are you seriously sis you're going to make me pay you back for your down payment well yeah are you kidding me I'm your brother you don't love me well yeah or vice versa right and so or he's going he's going to start dating someone and bringing them to your house and she's not going to like the way you cook and dude I just I just wouldn't I just wouldn't I wouldn't and here here's the greatest way you can love each other is to not go into a legally binding agreement together see what I'm saying right one if you buy the house and rent it rent a room to the other one I'm fine with that and and and do it right like even when you do the way John said do a lease like this is is it a year lease let's just start with a year-to-year thing right and and and do it by the book so that at the end of the day if something has to if the hammer has to come down it's not it's not you doing it it's the lease right you know what I'm saying like hey the lease is up we did say and you can always point back to the terms of what you guys agreed on I'm not going to lie I still don't love it but it's your life if you want to live with your brother I'm not mad at it um I just went into it man that's all I can say um at the end of the day I here's here's also where I stand though with purchasing a house there is a piece of this whether it was let's say you didn't have a a brother and let's just say you were calling and your Hope was to get a roommate to live in the house it bothers me for somebody to own a home that they can't pay for in full on their own because like I said something can happen and whoever is living with you moves out and it could take you a longer a longer period of time than you thought it would to find a replacement and so now you've got to be able to cover the mortgage do you see what I'm saying so my goal here is to get you thinking about every angle of this thing and just with me poking a few holes I don't love like I look I want you to have a condo I want you to have a home I want you to not be a renter but I I want it to be done in the right way my question for you next is what would it look like and this is just for you to brainstorm uh you don't have to answer this now where you live is really expensive what does it look like for you to do the same type of work elsewhere uh I can move I guess but uh I feel like my current job right now is really good like benefits wise I it is but it's not allowing you to live you want a home and it's not allowing you to do that look I I have family who lived in California for years and they're married and at one point they said she's a teacher and the other one you know Works in gaming and they said we're never going to have the life we want here and they picked up and moved to Georgia yeah all I'm saying is you may have to consider our hospitals need lab scientists in Kansas City right where you can buy a condo maybe for 300 instead of 600 or maybe 350 instead of what and I don't know Kansas people are going to be like you can't but I don't know but all to say is you have to decide which dream we want which dream that's so true John oo that's a hard one but she's got some options she's just got to allow herself to see the options create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life

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