Tag: Young Retired
The Balance of Living in Two Homes in Retirement
Harvey 0 Comments Planning your Retirement Retire Wealthy & Wise Retiree Tips and Tricks
however pay attention um having 2 houses is wonderful and it'' s transformed the means we live drastically you know we'' re much healthier and also we ' re better and we really really feel a lot more tranquil and it'' s also been a knowing experience and some job to obtain convenience in possessing two homes [ Music] we made the decision to live in 2 separate areas and also in the beginning it might sound amazing fun as well as perhaps also exotic and it is it can be all those things and also even more yet it didn'' t come or doesn ' t come without dangers there ' s anxiety and also a specific level of anxiousness you know when you own one house there ' s certainly a great deal of work you require to do to keep it up but having two virtually increases nearly everything you have to do as well as it can come to be frustrating sometimes we have good friends that have 3 and also 4 residences i know today we'' re mosting likely to stroll you via a method to make it simpler and also bring a balance to living in two places for the past seven years we'' ve experienced downsizing our large home in New York City which was a five room home and acquiring a villa in connecticut it'' s a three-bedroom residence and afterwards we vacated new york completely making connecticut our main which we discovered was also small and afterwards we in fact upsized connecticut as well as added an office for retirement transformed as well as and another bedroom which is always helpful and now moving our long-term home to florida to a three-bedroom with an airbnb spillover more on that later yeah every one of this took thoughtful conversations not just in between jody as well as i however actually we included our six kids and also their loved ones and with some of our close good friends and also extended family we intended to see to it we did this the proper way it wasn'' t a simple choice now we totally welcomed owning these two residences you recognize the huge modification for us was the awareness that none of it needed to be permanent as well as none of it had to be forever it could change or be reversed at any time and we were dedicated simply to live our best life ever before especially now while we'' re still active and also healthy and balanced and by the means for those of you that are new right here today my name is mark rollins and i'' m jody rollins and also we started retirement change in 2017 not only for us however for every one of you as well as the 10 000 individuals a day that are transforming 65.
Currently we put on'' t concentrate on the monetary elements of retired life yet instead way of life health relationships and also even more and if you'' re new right here please hit the subscribe button as well as obtain informed when all of our brand-new video clips appear so allow'' s delve into exactly how you and also i and also others that we understand are creating equilibrium when having new house as well as the initial balancing act focuses on your funds right you need to start there this should function and it simply can'' t be a stress on'your funds you ' re not mosting likely to appreciate it so you wish to see to it you collaborate with your economic organizer as well as your accounting professional to ensure you ' re doing the best point and you know if you think of it there are some significant financial considerations you understand do you get a home mortgage what are the rates do you pay cash money do you have that do you desire a home or a condominium one comes with costs perhaps they both include charges do you want to rent or acquire or do you actually intend to go and build a residence so there'' s a great deal of points to think about there and also some individuals really desire to build a residence because they ' ve always intended to develop a house as well as truthfully it ' s a fantastic task to carry out currently the various other questions to think of is do you scale down where you live currently as well as get a bigger second residence every one of these considerations the one that jody stated in me is that you'' ve you ' ve got to all these factors to consider enter play however here ' s things you require to be intentional regarding everything that you do can'' t just be you understand possibly we'' ll attempt this maybe we ' ll try that and also now with the real estate market as hot as it is possibly renting makes sense for awhile the 2nd balancing act focuses on your objectives if it'' s not remove what your objectives are and also honestly if you'' re not in sync with your companion it'' s going to be a hard thing to pull off you understand some inquiries to ask is why do you even wish to consider this this concept of having two homes you know if you'' re not hundred percent persuaded and also my suggestions would certainly be to go slow-moving you know why do you want to do this does it please a need or is it an impulse as well as will it in fact make your life far better as well as or better as well as if you have kids speak to them also what do they think as well as are they going to come travel to visit you you know in our instance they did they intended to pertain to florida in the wintertime the various other point is are you going to transform your residency that that'' s a big decision for some people to make because there'' s some tax effects for that and it can'' t really feel like a worry your state of mind is crucial to make certain you have excellent equilibrium owning these 2 residences alright so funds we spoke about check intentions and also mindset check currently let'' s discuss place i mean for us it was very easy we wished to live all year long in warm weather condition so we did an entire video clip in prior youtube'' s on why we selected marco island as well as the link is below however you'' ll see some excellent pointers because as well as that additionally connected back to our intentions you recognize we wish to invest the next twenty years of our life living a really active outside way of living when we can so we did this to have cozy weather condition all year long to deal with our physical wellness and our psychological wellness we needed warm weather condition for exercise we'' re now cycling we'' ve spoke about that recently on the youtube the coastline for our state of mind we'' re massive followers of sundowns as well as daybreaks so reaching the coastline actually has actually aided us emotionally hasn'' t it maybe today today some other considerations when you'' re thinking of location is you know we picked not to utilize to possess two houses in the exact same climate system ideal mark that was something mark used to preach to me when i was looking for a house on the jersey coast to be truthful since i matured going to the jersey shore yet we already possessed a home in new york or connecticut and also in mark'' s mind they remained in the very same weather condition system to ensure that was one of things that we agreed on you recognize the other thing is it a viable market for leasings or hotels for site visitors when they come not all visitors wish to stick with you as well as for us with six youngsters we couldn'' t get house large sufficient to host every person as well as like mark said earlier you recognize it was essential for me to choose a place that the children would come and also go to right you know continuous reflection for us now that we have two residences is just how are we doing do we like what we'' re doing can we enhance one or the various other more as well as that'' s where we are so we'hope you people are enjoying this we ' re concerning midway via the video if you like it please hit such switch or leave an inquiry or some remarks it truly is important for us to hear what you'' re thinking as well as'don ' t forget to subscribe but the 4th location where balance enters into play and having 2 homes or several residences is making both of the residences comfortable you understand that the point is that we located having two homes that we want to make comfortable really suggests in more build-up of stuff as well as things i indicate if you consider it right you have two energetic kitchens so you'' re going to have we enjoy to cook comparable appliances in both you know maybe 2 residence fitness centers which might imply you recognize 2 pelotons or 2 you know bozey rounds is that what you call those bosy bowls what are those points called uh not a bosey bowl i assume it'' s a bozy round okay you know it likewise may suggest and also especially for mark you understand duplicate attire and also clothing i'' m not quite as good at that as you are you recognize we have a pal who comes down here in florida in the winter months and does cape cod in the summer which'' s the very same environment it ' s the same climate it'' s cozy both locations he has this interesting idea where whenever he purchases a brand-new t-shirt or a brand-new pair of footwear or shorts he always purchases two one for each and every house he has the specific very same clothing at each house which is really intriguing and we started thinking concerning that to a point however like you claimed you'' re not you ' re not anywhere near that yeah however not really a bad concept when you think yep you understand i can do it with a few things however if i'' m mosting likely to spend cash on clothing i i type of like that selection in both locations soon we'' re mosting likely to address just how to make owning 2 residences very easy and this comes under that category too yep now we selected not to ever before lease our houses out so we make them comfy with the same linens and cushions and nice televisions we have sonos in both homes as well as all of that stuff including household pictures jody'' s a large candle light person you ' ll always see candles shedding in our home at evening and individual items in both homes so we'' re not stressed over someone can be found in and also damaging any one of that you know we truly made it and also my viewpoint was i want individuals to stroll into each home and as well as feel the exact same despite the fact that the houses are completely various our home in connecticut is historic it'' s 300 years of ages as well as our house in florida is just twenty years old as well as it has a much more coastal feel yet when you come in you still feel comfortable yep so we'' ve spoke about funds intentions and state of minds where do you have the second house making it comfy all of these are very important to make balance in having multiple houses currently allow'' s speak about the important things that we both enjoy one of the most which is identifying a means to make it easy and straightforward you understand it'' s vital that you have those for first 4 points in place and afterwards this part actually can be found in when you'' re discussing interest to information you recognize large image you'' ll require an excellent residence watch or caretaker for each residence a person or a team of people that will certainly care for it when you'' re away in our connecticut residence due to the fact that it'' s 300 years old it requires constant maintenance that home is a great deal of work it'' s a lot of job so as well as it mosts likely to have winter time for snow using so we have a landscaping company we have electrical contractor and a builder all of them have access to the residence they all have accessibility to our cameras so they all play a role in keeping that residence healthy you recognize in florida it'' s a lot much less maintenance you recognize we have a pool company we have the house watch team as well as we do a couple of handyman available for chores there'' s very little to do down here yet connecticut'' s complicated it is a few other means to make it simple is we spoke a little bit about this we actually can fly back and forth and not worry concerning clothing at each residence since truthfully connecticut many of our apparel up there currently is for cool climate we have all of our favored wardrobes at both residences we have safety and security video cameras in both houses we have on-line thermostats and also alarm so we actually have eyes as well as ears on the on both residences when we'' re away and with all the brand-new applications that you can utilize on your phone for all of those various points it makes it easy to be somewhere but given that florida'' s a little bit new we still drove a cars and truck down below so our sense of seriousness for several of these comforts remaining in both place wasn'' t as essential however we also have this service so we haul the electronic cameras and also the illumination to and fro and also i'' m truly confident that'' ll change yeah we need two collections of everything and also we additionally simply bought brand new e-bikes that were pricey as well as it actually doesn'' t make good sense to possess duplicate bikes yet so we require to bring them back and forth in the cars and truck but the whole suggestion right here is to be able to fly to as well as from each home with only carry-on and we seem like that we have whatever that we need in both homes so we can do that right as well as so that makes it easy for us as well as you understand the last area to speak about as well as actually have a policy between you as well as your partner on is you understand non-family visitor policies best don'' t obtain me incorrect we enjoy to entertain however we also enjoy our new retirement life and also the flexibility it affords us so you kind of requirement to have a calendar as well as a guest policy and also we obtained some help from this with honestly next-door neighbors nearby who are truly cool regarding having people check out but the ability to for jody and i to proceed our habits and also routines that we'' ve created when company arrives that'' s really crucial to us and as visitors began to turn up we began to imitate hoteliers i indicate we would certainly simply wait on them to stand up we would certainly prepare them morning meal what can i do for you that was our selection but it truly place us kibash on our life a bit as well as we we determined a way around that well i'' m respectable um as well as always make an agenda for whoever is coming down currently i constantly have dinner bookings some organized enjoyable some down time yet i think the real essential thing is we currently establish guideline for our morning right you understand we basically inform our guests you know we'' re active till 10.
you recognize i have yoga exercise or we'' re going to ride a bike or we'' re mosting likely to go for a coastline walk as well as we inform them join us or not however you'' re complimentary until 10. yeah i think when our youngsters come down they mainly join us for our morning activities so we do obtain that time with them yet some visitors like to oversleep i suggest they'' re here vacationing yeah they desire to oversleep which is great to ensure that'' s taken a great deal of pressure off of jody and also i as well as made it a bit much more comfy to have visitor business appropriate as well as but we'' re also improving at saying no and we'' re better at establishing limits you recognize our homes among things that we did when we'' re not in one of the various other homes they are not readily available for individuals to remain we require to be there to hold right including the kids yeah as well as type of well we'' ve bent the rules a little yeah some of the kids most of them don'' t also ask they don'' t i really think they like it when we'' re there due to the fact that we give the food sure we purchase all the food my program comes into play yet pay attention um having 2 houses is amazing as well as it'' s transformed the method we live significantly you know we'' re healthier as well as we'' re better as well as we really really feel much more at tranquility as well as it'' s likewise been an understanding experience and also some job to obtain comfort in possessing 2 houses we wish that all the ideas we provided you today have helped you today as well to make sure that you can think about having 2 houses and not tension out over it if you appreciated this please show your friends as well as also please subscribe by clicking the subscribe button below as well as if you have any remarks or concerns please leave them below as well as lastly put on'' t fail to remember to join our totally free facebook community where jody and also i go live every tuesday at 12 30.
thanks for listening we eagerly anticipate being with you once again.Read More
Top Tips For Aging Gracefully in Retirement
Harvey 0 Comments Planning your Retirement Retire Wealthy & Wise Retiree Tips and Tricks
we are all mosting likely to age and that'' s just a reality but how you do it depends on you and also we believe you can regulate it yeah you understand people and we understand people who appear to improve with age make it more powerful they obtain more purposeful they get even more involved and you likewise know those people that appear to obtain even worse weary irritated non-active and isolated I wear'' t comprehend why you constantly need to direct at me when there'' s something like that even if I don'' t get that a person suppose we told you that you have the power to decide which course you'' re mosting likely to take do you wish to age beautifully or are you prepared to crash and also shed as well as you'' re doing it beautifully you are without a doubt one of the most graceful retired person that I understand besides Sam and Natalie right so we have next-door neighbors in Link we had Next-door Neighbors in Connecticut Sam and Natalie we fulfilled them 278 years ago they were 88 and 89 when we satisfied them and also they had a wonderful full life they remained in Hartford Connecticut they ran a business they retired they purchased a home in Hand Desert he was a big golf enthusiast so for three decades they'' d go there for the winter season and afterwards they ' d pertained to Essex for the summer season you recognize Sam was a big golfer so he oh he was he was a huge golf enthusiast really golfed at Syracuse you know 100 years ago on the Syracuse group strolled on the group you recognize yet he ended up giving up off around 85 I assume however besides that the 2 of them would set out on 2 walks a day she was typically a few actions ahead in her kittycat heels as well as her extremely wise Dark pants with her hair done always well clothed he enjoys the fit perfectly jackets yeah they looked they were truly adorable they were really specific regarding what they ate they were really particular concerning their fluid intake and also the quantity of he consumed alcohol Chardonnay she drank vermouth a little cup of vermouth on the Rocks but we saw them in Hand Desert in January of 2021 as well as regretfully they never made it back to Connecticut and possibly after covet yeah they both passed away concerning a month apart however the reason the reason I bring them up as well as we talk about we have a terrific picture of the 4 of us um is just how they age so beautifully ideal they never whine they never ever felt sad they constantly were up about what was the saying he utilized to claim oh so happy to see you I wish you have a fantastic day or something like yes he constantly enjoyed so let'' s delve into today'' s subject aging beautifully as well as allow'' s speak about three locations of adjustment that most of us notice as we mature the initial is your physical aging right this happens to everyone by the age of 65 you will have shed between 8 and 27 of your muscular tissue mass yeah which'' s you begin losing your muscle mass at 30. I didn ' t know that you do so if you overlook it as well as wear'' t work out you ' re going to have a problem because your strength goes away your flexibility vanishes as your muscle begins to wear away around your bones they become brittle so it'' s truly an important thing to know it'' s particularly at 60 or 65 to fix that due to the fact that it'' s going to take place as well as actually what I did recognize is prior to that you know ladies have a significant reduction in muscular tissue mass after menopause you recognize your core muscles begin to weaken you have a more difficult time entering and out of the chair as well as you just can'' t neglect this remain up until the end due to the fact that we'' re mosting likely to offer you some ideas on how to decrease or even begin to reverse several of this yeah physical deterioration so besides your body generally aging your heart'' s gon na age you recognize your arteries and veins get more difficult if you'' re not if you ' re not eating the ideal type of food as well as like I matured with a great deal of convenience food I imply in the past my mom would certainly make deep-fried poultry with Crisco I imply that stuff went with my capillaries as well as it triggered some damages now your muscle mass functioning harder in time and also your heart price is mosting likely to change so you truly reached stay uh pay attention to your heart as it ages so so you have your physical your bones you recognize then you have your heart you know you have your bladder your bladder becomes much less flexible you may see that you'' re beginning to require to urinate even more you might even begin to have some leakage all of this is all-natural progression in aging and also you can'' t go nuts concerning it'since it ' s mosting likely to happen or it could happen and also if it does that ' s the natural course of points we wish to speak with you once again concerning exactly how to do this with dignity hearing is a problem I just recently went to obtain my ears evaluated due to the fact that I assumed without a doubt I was shedding my hearing little bit did they know it was careful hearing yep well I I can'' t hear various other people also it ' s not just you yeah right yet I got a Standard as well as the Baseline is that my hearing was wonderful and also all kidding aside the registered nurse did say to me when do you have problem hearing and state well my spouse could be informing me something he claimed darling you just need to pay even more attention to her yet the fact of the issue exists are adjustments as you age in your internal and center ear that you just have to understand it occurs once more to everyone so we discussed your bones we chatted regarding your heart your bladder your hearing you recognize so all of those physical modifications will certainly start to take place once again stay till the end we'' re going to chat a little bit regarding exactly how to battle several of that right yet the second large classification that is gon na happen to everybody is the psychological aging process right your brain your memory starts to discolor it takes you longer to find points in your brain you understand we did a video on this because it'' s a big concern a whole lot of individuals have you leave here walk right into the other space you obtain in the various other space as well as you think why am I right here that takes place to everyone and as you get older it happens extra since there'' s so much stuff in our head it takes us a while to go back in there as well as locate what it is that we were entering the various other room to seek we'' ll put the link below for this point because it'' s a great I believe it was misconceptions regarding memory loss yes was the name of it so we'' ll put that web link below so all is tolerable yet um as you age your memory does start to go yes you know physical aging is mosting likely to also splash over right into some psychological aging so if you see your athletic capacity starting to wane try some less complicated sporting activities or you know us try pickleball rather than tennis but that physical aging that we discussed beginnings to endure you psychologically I assume that'' s an asset since if you ' re a real Enthusiastic tennis gamer and you just can'' t run around as high as you utilized to attempt pickleball you know I used to be a large downhill skier and also now I simply couple reasons I put on'' t desire to get injured top number two I put on'' t like the chilly so I you really put on ' t like the chilly I do so we do various other sporting activities just to stay energetic even just exercising so once again under the main subject of psychological aging seclusion is something to look out for you recognize for you as well as your partner you recognize you begin shedding your buddies throughout the aging process right everybody does pals member of the family you begin losing the power to actually keep relationships which can create depression which isn'' t healthy for your psychological aging you recognize my father had that list I remember his 10 buddies noted them all on a sheet of paper yellow paper 8 by eleven as well as when I'' d go visit them he ' d talk regarding the ones who were still to life as well as the ones who died however as he grew older you know even more of his buddies passed away and it was so unfortunate for him to have these people not component of his life anymore yet it'' s what happens so proceeding under the mental aging you know don'' t offer in to enjoying too much television or doing inactive tasks yeah I believe I think that um you shouldn'' t read Much less in retired life you must find out more ideal seize the day of this newfound 40 plus hrs that come your means and also read since you desire to challenge your mind as well as review something you'' re thinking about you can read some stories which is great sometimes I'' ll choice up an unique yet read something you want to discover something about you know bios of uh popular individuals in the past due to the fact that it does maintain your brain energetic truly test your brain so that type of you know or several of the peaks of psychological aging so the 3rd location that we want to talk about is way of thinking and shallow aging I know you dislike that word however I couldn'' t think of it I stated as being favorable shallow I assume what you indicate is how you look and also just how you act and how you bring power to others as opposed to sucking energy away well I think I think there'' s frame of mind and also there ' s superficial right so your way of thinking is how are you approaching your activities or your partnerships or your individuals just how are you approaching your you understand that'' s a terrific Factor how are you approaching your aging procedure if you'' re refraining from doing it with the ideal way of thinking it'' s gon na spiral in reverse on you and when you concentrate on the bitter pill of your aging that you can'' t relocation as quickly you can'' t lift as much weight you can'' t climb a ladder anymore it'' s simple to end up being depressed consume badly due to the fact that you'' re worried out as well as allow bad routines sneak into your life well the initial fifty percent of this video clip was all about the aging procedure in those 3 important areas right the physical the mental and the mindset slash surface so right here are some tips that we can bring right into our lives right into our lives to age gracefully via each one of those processes so the very first point enhancing your muscle mass and also strength 3 points you can do eat even more protein resistance train as well as raise your Omega-3s now Omega-3s are located in Salmon walnuts as well as flax seeds they'' re anti-inflammatory and can be quickly contributed to your diet the other thing is inspect your vitamin D degrees to ensure that'' s four things under muscle strength yeah yep that'' s fantastic so another thing you can do the second thing is make diet regimen and nutrition a concern for you eat sufficient eat the best points and also eat an early supper three simple things moisturize the 3rd thing yeah half your body weight in water you require 7 to eight glasses of water a day to meet my my demand the fourth point you can do to assist you age with dignity via those three huge subjects we chatted about is jump on a sleep schedule go to sleep at a particular time wake up at a particular time as well as have a fitful night'' s rest below ' s another excellent suggestion that I like transform your words so this is The Surface that I was attempting to I recognize change your wardrobe as well as you you know for the very first Xmas that we were with each other you obtained me I guess certificate for a shopper at Nordstrom I did you transformed my closet as you age and you start to shrink either shorter or narrower you put on'' t desire to be the guy or the person using garments that put on'' t fit right since you search in the mirror it just doesn'' t feel excellent so keep your wardrobe as much as date the sixth point is Sun avoidance sunlight is an all-natural vitamin D which is really good for you but be careful usage your preventative sunscreens and just be outdoors in the sunlight what did we state thirty minutes a day yeah that'' s it to maintain maturing with dignity you likewise want to maintain your social interaction with your buddies energetic and healthy the eighth thing is most likely to your physician just go to your doctor obtain a Standard and also take the guidance they give numerous of our buddies will certainly return to listening to as an example so many of our friends most likely to the physician they do a standard hearing test the medical professional suggests a listening devices and also they state no and also then they locate themselves out of a lot of discussions so see your doctors number eight and take the Standard advice and also the last one is way of thinking there there needs to be a way for you to obtain to the factor where approving the fact that you'' re aging and viewing what'' s going on yet one thing that I do each day when I stand up in the early morning is I do my journaling and it'' s three uh gratitudes 3 points I'' m happy for and one self affirmation that always makes me really feel good about myself so regardless of where you get on your aging trip as well as no issue what your age really is you can take a few of these changes placed them into your life and also it will do 2 things for you prolong your life and boost your top quality of life now look we'' re all going to age it'' s a fact of life but allow'' s face it with self-respect as well as Elegance allowed'' s make some modifications so that all of us can invest the last Years of our life in the best physical and also psychological state as we can now we hope you located this handy watch this following video misconceptions about maturing where we separate back from fiction as well as provide you some new ways to check out aging you'' re going to enjoy love this set
Don’t Make these Marriage Mistakes in Retirement
Harvey 0 Comments Planning your Retirement Retire Wealthy & Wise
Retirement can kill your marriage, pretty bold statement. We recently interviewed a therapist and her quote was this: even the strongest of marriages are tested during retirement. I mean think about your marriage up until retirement sure there were bumps along the way and there were stressful times, and hopefully there was also some Joy, but one or both of you had the distraction of work right. You had relationships, work friends, you had fulfillment, you had purpose every day and then bam you retire. Just like we did Friday December 29th, 2018 and Monday morning. We found ourselves sitting across from each other having a morning coffee and we said: now what or? What are you doing? Today, what are you doing today? So it is a huge transition and it can absolutely create such stress for your marriage, and you know, are the big change that takes place. Is the 800 pound gorilla in the room is time in retirement? You may spend more time together than you ever have before. You will spend more time together than you ever have before you may. No, you will, because I mean I'm thinking of us and all of our friends that's that's the heart, not a hard fact. It is a hard it's, a bad thing. It's a good thing though, but it can be a challenge I mean we have had some of the greatest times in the last four years, but we've also had a lot of challenges figuring out. How do we fit in together in this new phase of Life yeah today, we want to make sure you don't make some of the common mistakes that we made when you retire. We want you to come away from this video with a heightened awareness of critical things that you can control as you move through this phase of retirement with your partner. So what's? Why does this matter? I mean well it's a long period of time. I mean many of us have 20 or 30 years ahead of us, together with all of this day to day time. So think about that our I know my career. Well, if you think of life is three phases you have, you know up until college and then you get in your career and you get married and that for me, was like 38'years right now we have 30 more. I know that's a lot of time to spend together without you know, without having any other distractions yeah. The other thing is about divorce right. The divorce rates in America are actually down, but great divorce is dramatically up and that's people getting divorced over the age of 55, And it's sad that you spend your whole life together. Building your nest egg and then you hit retirement and now all of a sudden you don't get along anymore right and you get divorced right and the other thing is, you know just your overall happiness Factor. You know so many retired people are portrayed or older people are portrayed as unhappy or grumpy or curmudgeoned or whatever they are, and the fact of the matter is you have a choice for the next 30 Years to choose your attitude and it's important yeah. We want to talk about that today. We don't want you to be that unhappy miserable copy couple out to dinner that are sitting there in their phones or not talking. They're, not learning new things together, they're not trying new things together. They're not putting the effort into the marriage that they should be, and you need to put effort into your marriage all the time, your entire life, but particularly now in retirement, because things do change absolutely so let's go through some of the common Mistakes, people make that you can definitely avoid the first and foremost thing is you have to communicate effectively the single most important predictor of success in your relationship as you enter retirement? Is communication? Listening really well, not interrupting right. I'm good at that. Yeah being disinterested right, providing a solution to what it is you're talking to me about when you don't even want a solution. You just want to talk to me and the other big thing we have a video on this called react versus respond when you and I are talking to each other. The tendency is to react to what I said or Iraq, what you said: it's better. Just to respond, and sometimes the response should be nothing because really good time. Poor communication can ruin your relationship, and you have all of this time together with all of these Avenues and opportunities for good or bad communication. On the other hand, effective communication, you know responding with care being an active listener. You know giving full Focus to what your partner is saying, with no technology interruptions and using a term or a technique called inquisitive inquiry. When you're talking about desires or fears that each of you may have yeah and those are some important things that you can do to be effective and that's just asking more questions – Jody's talking to me about something she's, not Looking for a solution but asking more questions, why do you feel that way more open ended questions to dig deeper on what the issue really is. That will bring you closer together than you,'ve, been in a long time right now. The other thing that's really important, particularly – and I think this is really hard for men, but really being able to in this phase of your life, with your wife or your husband. Whoever it is your partner, dropping your fear and becoming vulnerable really being open and honest me being open and honest with Jody about what my needs are. Why I'm struggling right now, really really letting my heart open up and tell her what's going on, because the fear is that I'll be judged or she'll jump all over me or say: isn 39! T that ridiculous! You need to drop that fear and trust each other yeah, and I somewhat disagree with your instinct that it's harder for men than it is for women and we debate vulnerability in our house. Quite often the definition of – and you know I I think, as long as you have a safe Space, men and women are at the same level of dropping their guard and becoming vulnerable. It's just hard for me and the men that, like it's, but it's meant for women too. Okay, I've never been a woman and you've never been a man right. So, but I see women are more. We're not going to debate this here. Are we we debate this in our house all the time? Brene Brown started this debate in our house so but basically it's helpful to your relationship. If you can have open and honest discussions with your partner yep, a third thing that we found is taking vacations while we're in retirement is a must getting out of our normal routine in our home, with our dog grocery shopping. Taking out of the trash you know, cleaning the house like doing all of our normal stuff is great. We are spending time together, but doing something different creative, exploring traveling together or with another couple stretching each other outside of our comfort zones to you know, go ziplining or go trekking for gorillas or you know so. So the thing is when one of your, when one of you says hey, we really need to get away the answer. Shouldn't be no, we can't afford it. The answer should be okay. We should figure that out let's set aside some money. Let's put a budget together, let's plan it together and let's go somewhere. It could even be a mini trip. It can, but do it with open eyes and open heart, and just say you know what you're right. We're, not in sync right now: let's go away for a couple days and find a way to get in sync and plan it out, and do it right it's going to make all the difference in the world to your relationship. The fourth thing is to find activities to do together. You know things that can create camaraderie. You know things uh activities that give you something to talk about later in the day or evening, or even maybe give you something to laugh about. And finally, you know Finding activities that will expand your social network. So we we play golf together, which we both learned years ago and we're at different levels and sometimes it's frustrating for each other. Because of that. But if you can find something to do together and start together like we did with pickleball, we are complete beginners moving our way up to intermediate. We started it together and we're learning together. I'm, not coaching Jody. We're reminding each other of the rules that we learn and we're reminding each other on how to hit the ball, but it's not like you need to do this and you need to do that. So it's actually brought us closer together. This whole world of playing pickleball, which has been really good for us and it's increased our social networks, which is a big thing. So the other thing is to, I think, well think from me anyway, find activities to do alone. I I need some autonomy away from Jody away from the house away from the kids, some things that are important to me and it expands your personal Social Circle. I have a men's group that meets down here on Marco once in a while. We just get together and chat about life issues. We have breakfast together and you know I've met some great new people. For that I mean you. Do you?'re doing some things on your own. I do I mean I do yoga. I've got my community around that that I do on my own. Some non profit work and you know I spend a lot of time doing things with you. Obviously, but um. I also you know like the richness that it adds to our relationship to do a few things by ourselves right. The other thing that this is probably the hardest thing to think about doing, but talking together about the tough topics, if you're stubborn and your wife says if Jody says to me, I want to talk about this, and I say I don't want To talk about it that's not fair and that's going to pull us apart. There's, things like sex downsizing issues with the kids, whether we can afford to go on vacation or not. You've got to be able to talk through these things together, so you can hear what your partner says about it and it's important to set the topic. If you know it,'s going to be difficult set, the topic up, so you both feel comfortable right, acknowledge that changes may have taken place. If you're talking about a topic that includes your physical well being or your physical, you know your current physical state, you know, and it also acknowledge that the conversation may take more than one time at the table, and it could be that you just say There's here:'s a technique. There's, something I really need to talk to you about, and I'd like you to listen to what I have to say and I don't want a response right now. I just want you to hear what I have to say and let's take some time, and maybe we'll talk about it again tomorrow, just setting these kind of rules together. So you can talk about the tough topics. If you bury them, they're not buried right. They don't their way. They don't that's. The way I was looking for they don't go away. Definitely you know. Living in a home together can have its challenges being together. Every day for most of the day, even makes said harder. So you know, if you think about the six things we just talked about to build a better marriage and build on your relationship. You can avoid some of the major pitfalls, so remember effective communication. You know being vulnerable with your partner taking vacations together. I think finding activities do together. New activities in particular, is really important. Finding things to do alone, to give you some alone time and also you've, got to have the courage to talk about some of the important matters that make a difference in your life. Now we hope you enjoyed this video and if you did you're going to love this next one keeping the magic alive in your relationship. We go deeper on spouse, partner relationship and give you clear steps and activities to make this happen.